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So. Anyone remember Mario 2? Sure you do. At the time, we all thought it was another "black sheep" NES sequel like Adventure of Link or Simon's Quest; but in actuality (for those of you who still aren't in the know), Nintendo pulled a diabolical switcheroo on American gamers back in 1988. The Super Mario Bros. 2 with which most of us are familiar was originally an entirely different game called Doki Doki Panic. Nintendo simply made a few tweaks here and there, gave the characters Mario facelifts, and then shipped it off to American shores as the sequel to Super Mario Brothers. Why? Well, because the Nintendo higher-ups decided real Super Mario Brothers 2 (later known as "The Lost Levels" in Super Mario All Stars) would be too difficult for American audiences. Which, honestly, it probably would have been. In all fairness, the "real" Super Mario Brothers 2 wasn't much of a loss at all: it's like the Nintendo execs gathered in their board room in '87 and said, "All right. We've just put out the biggest and best video game ever. Now we must get to work on the sequel, which naturally must use the same engine and graphics as the first game and be as maddeningly difficult and frustrating as our programmers' ones and zeros can allow. IT IS THE ONLY WAY." Enter poison mushrooms, backwards warp zones, and Piranha Plants that don't play by Piranha Plant rules. I'll take a doctored Doki Doki Panic any day. What does this have to do with Final Fantasy, you ask? Square pulled the same tricks with its early Final Fantasy releases in America, and far more often. Mention Final Fantasy II to most casual gamers who owned an SNES, and they'll think "Oh! Cecil! Jumping guy! Spoony bard! SNES!" This is incorrect. The game they are thinking of is Final Fantasy IV. The real Final Fantasy II was an 8-bit Famicom game that only recently hit American shores in the Final Fantasy Origins and Dawn of Souls collections on PSOne and GBA. Why didn't we ever get the NES version? Because the original Final Fantasy hit American shores in 1990 (three years after the Japanese release), and the SNES -- and Final Fantasy IV -- came out a year later. Straight business: localizing and releasing a new game for a new system makes a lot more sense than localizing and releasing an old game for an outdated system. That, and Final Fantasy II is much like the original Super Mario Brothers 2 in that it is merciless and unforgiving to the point where it the gameplay becomes more agonizing than challenging. I'm seeing an almost identical board room meeting: "okay, so we have a runaway RPG hit on our hands and we need to make a sequel. I think our goal for Final Fantasy II should be to make as many people as unhappy as we can, and we should begin by revamping the experience and leveling up system so that the most efficient way of increasing your characters' stats is to have your own guys beat the hell out of each other in battle. Sound good to you folks?" But I may be getting ahead of myself here. |
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THE CAST! To be fair, we should start with the good. Final Fantasy II is the first game in the series featuring player characters with voices and personalities, as opposed to the mute Light Warriors of the first game. The cast of Final Fantasy II isn't nearly as developed as those from later installments, but it was still a step forward. The Heroes  
FRIONIELYour standard virtuous JRPG "Hero" archetype, and a precursor to characters like Butz/Bartz, Locke, Zidane, Tidus, etc. Unlike his later counterparts, however, Frioniel isn't an alien, a clone, a basket case, or a dream, and doesn't have any skeletons in his closet, because this was before that kind of thing was necessary. "Frioniel" appears to be his actual name, but it was changed to "Firion" in the American releases due to space restrictions. For my playthrough, I dubbed him "Freon," after the ozone-damaging chlorofluorocarbon.  
MARIAThe "kind-hearted, frail of body yet strong of will female lead" who reappears in later games as Rosa, Lenna, Terra, Celes, Aeris, Rinoa, Dagger, Yuna, etc. I don't think there's much else to be said about Maria, other than the fact that she boasts one of the most enticing 8-bit racks in existence, for whatever the hell that's worth.  
GUYThe "gentle giant" archetype; see also Sabin, Barrett, and Kimarhi. His special powers include retard strength and the ability to communicate with beavers.  
LIONHEARTMaria's older brother is a double prototype: he is both the first example of the Dark Knight class in the Final Fantasy series and the first "bad good guy" character, followed by the likes of Kain, Shadow, Vincent, Amarant, etc. He's the last of the four "main" characters, though he disappears after the first battle and doesn't rejoin your party until the end of the game. He has been renamed "Leon" in the official American releases, which isn't nearly as striking as "Lionheart." I personally like to call him "RASTA."  
MINHPrincess Hilda's right hand man and White Mage extraordinaire. The first ally to join your party, and the closest thing you get to a genuinely useful one due to his extensive White Magic grimoire. Hard to say which later characters in the series resemble him, since most (all) future White Mages are female.  
JOSEFThe mayor of the wintry village of Salamando is both a "bare handed fighter" and a "middle-aged/geezer hardass" character, which makes him a prototype of Yang, Galuf, Sabin, Strago, Tifa, Zell, Amarant, Steiner, and a whole lot of Cids. He lends the party his Ice Sled, which you are then forced to lug around for the entire game because there's no Fat Chocobo to hold onto your unneeded story items.  
GORDONA "spoony, weak-ass loser prince" kind of person; reappears as Edward in Final Fantasy IV and is then rarely seen again because nobody really likes this kind of character. Eesh. Gordon is the former prince of the decimated kingdom of Kashuon, and eventually steps up to lead the rebellion at Hilda's side.  
LAYLAThis free-spirited pirate chick is your "sassy beauty with a mean streak" character, who later appears in the guises of Faris, Yuffie, Lulu, and Paine. Like several of her descendents, she ends up joining after a failed attempt at kidnapping and robbing the party. And like Maria, she also sports some 8-bit cleavage, but the novelty wears off long before you get her.  
RICHARDEven if he can't Jump, the last of the Dragoons in the world of Final Fantasy II is the very first Dragoon in a Final Fantasy game. How's that for some impressive credentials? Richard comes across as a "noble warrior with an air of tragedy," kind of person, like Cyan, Freya, and Auron. He has the ability to communicate with and ride the Hiryuu, a type of dragon that usually gets translated as "wyvern" or "wind drake" in American releases.
The Villains
 IMPERIAL FORCES The infernal legions of the Emperor of Paramekia. While they are humanoid in appearance, their strength, durability, and mercilessness exceed human limits. Unless you have a death wish, it's usually a bad idea to try talking to them.  THE DARK KNIGHT A mysterious and powerful warrior who has quickly risen through the imperial ranks to become one of the Emperor's most trusted servants. Maria remarks that HIS VOICE...IT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR!, so you can probably guess his real identity.  BORGAN A treacherous coward who acted as the Empire's man on the inside and was instrumental in the imperial takeover of Phin. Borgan is a complete wuss in battle. Hours after you kill him off, he reappears as a zombie in the final dungeon. It's as funny as it is morbid.  GOTUS The leader of the imperial forces occupying Phin. Also a wimp.   THE EMPEROR The ruler of Paramekia, and the villain who began the Final Fantasy tradition of "evil, power hungry ruler of a kingdom/empire/corporation attempts to harness an ancient/sealed/forbidden/esoteric force in order to control the world, but then loses control of and is consumed/destroyed by said powers, etc," that has since become an ingredient of virtually every JRPG plot afterwards. You know how it goes. At least this guy keeps it straightforward and just sells his soul to the devil. Other Characters  HILDA The exiled Princess of Phin who leads the rebellion from the town of Altea. Most of Final Fantasy II consists of following the orders she barks at you from her throne. "We need Mythril to compete with the Imperial Army! Go find some!" "The Empire's Warship will kill us all! Go deal with it!" "Now we need Ultima magic! Snap to it!" "AIIEE! Now the Emperor's summoned a tornado! Fix it!"  PAUL Master thief and ninja dude. He's a recurring character, but never actually joins your party -- which is a shame, because he's cooler than most of the losers who do.  CID Engineer and pilot of an airship. Yup. He also dies at some point. Sorry about the spoiler, but it was the only screenshot I took of him and I'm not going back and taking more.  ELINA AND CHILD The wife and son of a dead Dragoon whose rotting corpse you find in a cave north of Dist. Not really worth mentioning, except for the fact that that Final Fantasy Origins does some retconning and changes the previously unnamed child's name to "Kain." Richard, whose last name is "Highwind," adopts the boy later on in the game. This suggests that the boy will grow up to be Kain Highwind of Final Fantasy IV fame, which is Square Enix revisionary garbage and you shouldn't believe it.  LEVIATHAN Yup. Leviathan makes his first appearance in Final Fantasy II. But before he became a summon spell, he was...well, a dungeon. The massive sea serpent swallows the party's ship whole on their way to the Mysidia Towers, and our heroes must escape from his belly in order to proceed any further. |
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THE ENTRANCE TO HELL LIES BEYOND THIS PATH Now. Final Fantasy II starts off with Frioniel and friends locked in a hopeless struggle against an imperial death squad and getting the earthly piss beaten out of them. This is appropriate, inasmuch as it sets the mood for the rest of the game to come. Final Fantasy II will do everything in its power to beat you down. And when I write "you," I am not referring to Frioniel's party. I am referring to you, the player. Final Fantasy II is a pair of simultaneous battles on two separate planes. The first is the fictional struggle of Frioniel and the rebel forces against the might of the Paramekian Empire. The second is the very real battle between you, the player, and Final Fantasy II, in which the game attempts to foil your efforts and demoralize you from ever playing again. As you try to beat Final Fantasy II, Final Fantasy II tries to beat you. Most reviews and guides only cover the first aspect of this struggle. I, however, will be talking about the latter. To this end, I have pinpointed the five primary devices Final Fantasy II employs in its psychological battle against the player's will. 1.) Ludicrous Stat/Ability Progression System This is the main culprit, and is Final Fantasy II's greatest weapon. Somebody in Squaresoft thought it might be a cool idea to discard the concept of Experience Points and Leveling Up in favor of an alternative system. In spirit, this wasn't such a bad idea, and was quite progressive for an 8-bit RPG in 1988. However, the system they came up with is absolutely absurd and renders Final Fantasy II unplayable to the point where I honestly have a hard time believing it wasn't intentional. Here's how it works: your statistics increase with use. If you use a lot of physical attacks in battle, your Attack stat and Weapon Skill increase. If you use a lot of magic, your Intelligence or Soul (depending on whether you use Black or White magic) increase. Losing a lot of HP means your HP and Vitality increase, and consuming a lot of MP or having it drained from you might lead to an increase in MP. (I say "might" because there's no real guarantee that you will receive a stat increase after a battle.) What this means, as I mentioned earlier, is that the most efficient way of building up your party's HP, Attack, Vitality, and Weapon Skill levels is to seek out random battles, and, instead of fighting the enemies, have your party members whale on themselves and each other with their equipped weapons while the monsters gaze on in horrified astonishment. I will have Maria demonstrate:  STEP ONE: Maria targets self   STEP TWO: Maria clubs self over head with staff  STEP THREE: Party defeats enemies  STEP FOUR: For clubbing herself in the head, Maria is rewarded with more HP But never fear! There is a shortcut to boosting your Magic ability. Due to a bug in the game, selecting a target for a spell registers as a successful use of said spell. This allows you to increase spell levels by having a character pick a spell and choose a target, then pressing "B" to cancel and return to him. Repeat 50-100 times for an increase in that spell's level. It's a lot like doing reps at the gym: tedious, repetitive, and time-consuming, but in this case, there aren't any tangible results. If your brain releases any endorphin during this process, I'd contact a neurologist immediately. Lastly: two very important stats are Agility and Evade, because they're the ones that determine whether you are able to run away from battle. They are increased when a character successfully dodges a physical attack, which itself is a roll of the dice based on a few percentages. During this playthough, my party members had exceptionally bad luck dodging attacks because I didn't give them shields (because shields decrease the potency of attacks, both physical and magical), so their Agility and Evade stats rarely increased. As a result, I was never able to run from any battles, ever. Every time -- I cannot possibly stress the word EVERY enough -- a random battle came up, I had to deal with it. If the battle between myself and Final Fantasy II were a boxing match, this would be the equivalent of getting kicked repeatedly in the balls with a steel-toed boot. 2.) Doors to Nothing Final Fantasy's dungeons had doors. Behind those doors were rooms. Often, these rooms contained stuff. It is usually a good idea to check behind doors in Final Fantasy. Final Fantasy II's dungeons have doors. Lots of doors. More doors than Final Fantasy's dungeons have. But behind these doors, about 90% of the time, is nothing. Totally empty rooms. Neat, huh? It gets better: when enter the empty room and the screen changes, your character is positioned several paces inside the room instead of in the doorway. In a game where every step is a potential enemy encounter, and fleeing from battle can be anywhere from difficult to downright impossible (side note: you cannot retreat from undead foes), this can be much more of a pain than it sounds. The obvious solution is to just not go through any doors, but then Final Fantasy II throws you curveballs by hiding an extremely crucial and rare piece of equipment behind a single nondescript door among fifteen others, or placing the staircase to the next floor behind a door. The only thing that could possibly make Final Fantasy II dungeon exploration more agonizing would be if stepping into an empty room caused the voice of George W. Bush to cackle over the speakers: "HEH HEH! NO WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION IN HERE!" 3.) Useless Allies So you have three primary party members: Frioniel, Maria, and Guy. They remain with you for the entire game and are worth building up as much as possible. The fourth party member slot becomes vacant and filled as the progression of the story demands. The first ally you get is Minh, who knows almost every White Magic spell in the game, and at fairly high levels to boot. Minh is a helpful addition, and does a good job helping your inexperienced party members stay afloat during the first stages of the game. Then you get Josef. Josef doesn't know any magic, but has a decent amount of HP and attack power, so he's pretty good to have around. And then you get Gordon. Gordon is useless. His stats are pitiful, he's unskilled with weapons, and he knows no spells. Making him useful even to the smallest degree requires much time and effort. When Gordon he leaves your party, he's replaced by Layla, who has low HP, a skill level of 2 with few different weapons, and only knows one spell. Gotta power her up, too. Several hours later, you get Richard, who has lousy HP, so-so attack power, and no spells. Get the gist yet? Sure, Final Fantasy II is the first Final Fantasy featuring characters with backgrounds and personalities, but what difference does it make if most of them can't pull their weight in battle? Jerks. 4.) Limited Inventory Room This is nothing new. The original Final Fantasy' inventory was very limited. But what Final Fantasy II does is thrust a ton of story-related "key" items that have no practical purpose at you, and they're impossible to throw away or hand off. By the time you're at the final dungeon, half of your inventory -- space you could be using to store Elixirs, Ethers, Phoenix Downs, and other applicable items -- consists of worthless garbage that the game won't let you throw away. It even drops the Hiryuu -- a flying, presumably fire-breathing dragon -- into your inventory as a totally useless weight, apparently only to taunt you. 5.) Wild Goose Chases Okay. Here's how an early chunk of Final Fantasy II plays out: STEP ONE: Talk to Hilda in Altea. "WE NEED MYTHRIL! GO TO THE SEMITE CAVE NEAR SALAMANDO AND GET SOME!" STEP TWO: Leave Altea. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Palm. Pay the man in Palm to take you to Poft on his ship. Pay Cid in Poft to take you to Salamando in his airship. STEP THREE: Enter Salamando. Talk to Josef. Exit Salamando. Walk to the Semite Cave. Enter Semite Cave, fight your way to the bottom, acquire the Mythril. STEP FOUR: Exit the Semite Cave. Walk to Salamando. Talk to Josef. Exit Salamando. Walk to Poft. Pay the man in Poft to talk you to Palm on his ship. Exit Palm. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Altea. Talk to Hilda. STEP FIVE: Hilda: "NOW GO TO BOFSK AND STOP THE EMPIRE'S WARSHIP!" STEP SIX: Exit Altea. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Palm. Pay the man in Palm to take you to Poft on his ship. Pay Cid in Poft to take you to Bofsk in his airship. STEP SEVEN: Enter Bofsk. Fight many battles. Take care of business in Bofsk. STEP EIGHT: Exit Bofsk. Walk to Poft. Pay the man in Poft to take you to Palm on his ship. Exit Palm. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Altea. Talk to Hilda. STEP NINE: Hilda: "TALK TO CID! MAYBE HE KNOWS HOW TO STOP THE WARSHIP!" STEP TEN: Exit Altea. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Palm. Pay the man in Palm to take you to Poft on his ship. Talk to Cid in Poft. STEP NINE: Pay the man in Poft to take you to Palm on his ship. Exit Palm. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Altea. Tell Hilda what Cid told you. STEP TEN: Hilda: "BUT IN ORDER TO ENTER KASHUON CASTLE AND ACQUIRE THE SUN FLAME, YOU'LL NEED THE GODDESS BELL! GO TALK TO JOSEF IN SALAMANDO!" STEP ELEVEN: Exit Altea. Take the canoe across the lake. Enter Palm. Pay the man in Palm to take you to Poft on his ship. Pay Cid in Poft to take you to Salamando in his airship. Enter Salamando. Talk to Josef. STEP TWELVE: Josef: "YOU'LL NEED AN ICE SLED TO REACH THE DUNGEON WHERE THE GODDESS BELL IS KEPT! BUT AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, I'VE HIDDEN AN ICE SLED IN A SECRET CAVERN IN THE SEMITE CAVE!" STEP THIRTEEN: If your will somehow remains unbroken at this point and the game is still turned on, Final Fantasy II will begin administering electrical shocks through the controller. OTHER VERSIONS With the exception of the MSX port, Final Fantasy II has followed suit every time the first Final Fantasy gets remade or ported. The sixteen bit reconstruction for the Wonderswan Color is, to the best of my knowledge, exactly the same as the Famicom original aside from the improved visuals, sounds, and interface. This version was slightly modified and released as a standalone PSOne title in Japan, and then included in Final Fantasy Origins. The compliation pack was the first time the game saw a stateside release, and not even the cool opening FMV with Firion and co. escaping from the burning Finn was enough to convince the majority of first-time American players that Final Fantasy II was anything more than a fluke in the series. The GBA Dawn of Souls version has an exclusive post-game sidequest in which a few dead good guys trapse around the afterlife and fight recolors of previously-battled enemies and bosses. Finally, Final Fantasy II Anniversary Edition is set for a PSP release, but I wouldn't expect it to be much more than a further prettification of the Dawn of Souls edition.
CONCLUSION!
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